Being from the South (and proud of it) and living amongst a lot of people who are not (this area is a huge mixture of North and South), I am often poked fun at sent jokes or funnies with reference to my “Southerness”. I also get a lot of blonde jokes too, but that’s another story for another day. A friend emailed this to me the other day and I loved it so much, I wanted to share. (Also putting it here makes it easier for me to find it in the future rather than rooting through 9821 emails.

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know everybody’s first name:
Honey
Darlin’
Shugah

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Suthen-ism’s:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in:
“Going to town, be back drekly (directly).”
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Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
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A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened.
“Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say, “Bless her heart”… and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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To those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff…bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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For those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads “I’m not from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”

And finally, Southern women know that men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!!