Recently, I’ve been asking myself several self-imposed questions (yeah, years of therapy teach you this particular behavior, thanks).  Why has my self perception been so warped for so long?  What makes a thin person look in the mirror and see a fat person?  Why do perfectly beautiful people look in the mirror and only see their flaws?  And why do stores sell size 24 Hot Pink Spandex pants?  I ask you for the love of God!

Getting older has definitely reshaped my way of thinking (as well as my body - it’s an equal opportunity deal) and my perception of things in life.  Like Maxine:

That’s me!  My attitude has changed for sure.  Not that I’m a cranky old bitty or anything.  No.  It’s just that I do not let things bother me like I used to.  I used to spend so much time worrying about really insignificant stuff when I got to thinking about it later.  Part of this change in attitude is due to a book I read several years ago, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”.

I quote from the book, “As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you’ll begin to discover the perfection in life itself”.  Pretty good stuff, huh?  This book really helped me put things into perspective, but it took time.  I read it several times over the years and each time, I walked away with something new from it.

My self perception had always been bad.  I mean B.A.D.!  I don’t really know why or really care why.  I just knew I had to do something about it.  I remember a very significant moment that was like one of those “lightbulb moments” that began the change in my attitude.  Ya see. . . I NEVER wore shorts EVER in public until I was 26 years old.  I was living in San Diego and my very nice neighbor asked me one day why I never wore shorts.  Me - “Because I’ve got ugly legs and they’re white as snow.”  He looked at me in disbelief at what he was hearing.  He said, “Well, first off, you’re never going to get sun on your legs if you wear pants everyday.  And second, if people don’t like the way your legs look, they don’t have to look at them.  Look at Marge the barge across the street.  She doesn’t care.”  And I swear it hit me like a bolt of lightning.  Really, if they don’t like them, then don’t look at them.  So simple.

I put on a pair of shorts and have been wearing shorts and skirts ever since.  Now it’s hard pressed to ever find me in a pair of pants.  I hate pants.  And I prance around my pool everyday in my bathing suit and do not care.  Nobody has to look.

This same neighbor had a twelve year old girl who was a total sweetheart.  She was a beautiful girl, a little chubby, but gorgeous features.  (She later grew into a Seventeen model - tall, thin and gorgeous)  Anyway, I was showing her pictures of myself at twelve years old telling her that I was this fat kid.  I had it engrained in my head that I was a fat kid.  Well, when we looked at the picture, she said, “You were NOT fat!”  And oh my gosh, I realized, “NO.  I wasn’t.  Why did I think I was so fat?” 

Yeah, this little girl is what I considered as fat.  I wasn’t skinny by any stretch of the imagination, but I also was NOT fat.  Me at twelve years old - Don’t be laughin’ at the bell bottoms.  It was 1972 and I was “cool”.

That same principle applies today.  I’ve thought I was fat my entire life, but I look back at pictures objectively and I realize that I was way not fat.  All that worrying all those years was for nothing.  And now, even as I’ve gotten older with more wrinkles and with gravity doing its evil genius, I finally look at myself like “Wow!  I’m okay.”  Sure I’m about 15 - 20 pounds away from my ideal weight, but you know what?  I’ve been that ideal weight before and I wasn’t as happy as I am right now. 

I bet that neighbor doesn’t even remember that conversation. . . or imagine the difference it made in my life.  I hope to do that for somebody one day.  Make a difference.

It reminds me of my oldest boy’s favorite song when he was three years old singing in the car, “Don’t worry.  Be happy.”  Cuz that’s what it’s really all about.  Be Happy.