“Did you throw a cat out your window last night?” Honest to God, a lady asked me that question yesterday afternoon. This was from yet another new neighbor, not the Rude Rednecks next door. No, this one is a prissy, snotty young redheaded girl who apparently thought she saw me toss a cat out into my front yard. I looked at her like she’d lost her mind and repeated the question AS a question, “Did I throw a cat out of MY window last night? Are you serious?”

Yes, she was serious. She had heard a cat screaming, saw it run away from my front window, then heard me shutting my windows. Yes, that all DID happen, but I didn’t hurl the cat out my window. See, I’ve had this black cat come visit my front porch every single night for the last couple of weeks.

It comes and sits on this bench I have right in front of my window.

The window where MY cat likes to perch herself. And that black cat comes every night to taunt Monkey and make her LOSE HER MIND. She growls like a dog. She hisses. She cries. She bats at the window screen. She pretty much goes ape crazy.

So yes, prissy girl did hear a cat fight through the window screen. She did see the black cat run away. And she did hear me closing my windows so that I could eliminate the temptation of further kitty confrontations. But no, I most definitely did not throw a cat out of my window.

Odd, I thought of her. Then I thought, “What if I DID throw a cat out of my window?” What was she going to do exactly? Lecture me? Call the police? Tell me what a horrible monster I am? This chick couldn’t have been 100 pounds soaking wet. She was just a tiny, prissy thing, but apparently she was ready to take me ON had I tossed the cat. I just found her ODD.

Anyway, as I was leaving for work this morning, I was talking to my kitty through the window (she was telling me goodbye) when I noticed the window screen. The screen has got little tears all over the bottom third. Apparently this kitty has not been declawed like my cat because it is terrorizing my screen and turning it into shreds.

Short of throwing the black cat off my front porch, I just don’t know what to do.