The Difference Between The North And The South – Clearly Explained
The North has Bloomingdale’s while the South has The Dollar Tree.
The North has coffee houses while the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has switchblade knives while the South has .45’s.
The North has double last names while the South has double first names.
The North has Cream of Wheat while the South has grits.
The North has green salads while the South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters while the South has crawfish.
For Northerners Moving South . . .
~~ If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
~~ Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do NOT buy food at this store.
~~ Remember, “Y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all y’all’s” is plural possessive.
~~ Get used to hearing ‘You ain’t from ’round here, are ya?’
~~ Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
~~ Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can’t understand you either.
~~ The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective “big’ol,” as in ‘big ol’ truck or big’ol boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
~~ The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
~~ Be advised that “He needed killin’.” is a valid defense in the South.
~~ If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all watch this,” you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
~~ If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
~~ Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas’ taught them how to aim.
~~ AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain’t gonna call ‘em biscuits.