Just dig this up and read it again. You’ll begin feeling like a genius in no time.

s1
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

s2
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey

s3
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.”
–Winston Bennet, University of Kentucky basketball forward

s4
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

s5
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”
–A congressional candidate in Texas

s6
“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager

s7
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
–Al Gore, Vice President

s8
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
–Dan Quayle

s9
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca

sa
“The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

sb
“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

sc
“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, SC

sd
“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?