Being the huge Food Network fan that I am, if my television is on, it’s set to this channel all day every weekend. My children don’t even bother trying to change the channel when they visit for Sunday dinners. My favorite is Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. AND I also love this site, Food Network Humor, that pokes fun at them too. It’s all in good fun, and this little translation made me laugh outloud. So I thought I’d share.

The Food Network Chefs:

What They Say vs What They Mean

They say: Perfect/Beauuuutiful
They mean: I have to say something, because the silences are getting awkward and the producer is yelling at me.

They say: That’s off the hook!
They mean: I’m over 40 and am desperately trying to sound hip.

They say: Yum-O / EVOO
They mean: I was dropped on my head a lot as a child.

They say: It’s cocktail time!
They mean: I’ve been in Betty Ford more times than Gerald.

They say: Mmmm, this is really good.
They mean: This tastes like ass. And it’s raw.

They say: That’s money!
They mean: I have a one inch peen.

They say: Look at these bad boys…
They mean: I’m completely unaware of how annoying I am to listen to.

They say: This is feel-good, comfort food.
They mean: Enjoy it now, fatty, because the ass seam on your pants is gonna burst tomorrow.

They say: Use GOOD olive oil.
They mean: I’m richer than you and laugh at your misfortune. And your cheap olive oil.

They say: This meal will be on the table in 30 minutes.
They mean: I have 9 assistant chefs and a clean up crew. I’ll have it ready in 30 mins, but it will take you 2 hours.

They say: You will love this tablescape.
They mean: I hope you like overly cluttered tables and eating on your lap.

They say: Let me plate this up…
They mean: My 12 food stylists plated this up while you were watching car commercials.

They say: Super super simple!
They mean: I have six brain cells, so if I can do it, you can do it.

They say: What’s your culinary point of view?
They mean: How can marketing spin you so you can make us the most money?

They say: How good/gorgeous/simple is that?
They mean: I have the verbal creativity of a pack mule.