Dang DeWitte knew I was home sick yesterday in an intestinal coma and he still gave me a damn parking ticket in Parking Wars on Facebook. No mercy, I tell ya. I love the man. He is my boss. He is my friend. But he has NO, I mean ZERO, sympathy for the sick. . . since he NEVER GETS SICK. Thanks pal. I feel the love. Just remember that when your birthday rolls around. . . . in daaaaayyyyyssss. Ppptthhhh!

Oh – and what is the deal with Facebook? Has it got Crack filtering out from the monitor? Whenever I log on, I go nuts. There’s a game called Scramble that I can’t pull myself away from. Then DeWitte invited me to something called Word Challenge. Now I’m a junkie to that too. I wondered briefly if it could replace my addiction to cookbooks, but sadly NO. I bought another one tonight while standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. If it were shoes or jewelry or clothes, I wouldn’t think myself so freakish. But it’s cookbooks for Christ’s sake. How many ways can one possibly learn to cook CHICKEN? And the stupid Parking Wars!!!!!! I’m running around moving my car from street to street like it’s something that really matters in the world.

I’ve never been the most competitive person on the planet – mainly because I was never good at many sports. Okay, ANY sports. But I play a mean game of Ping Pong. THAT, my friends, is where I stunned even my grown boys. They could NOT believe that their mom kicked their ASSES. THEY grew up very competitive, so I did not go gentle on them. Their dad and his family are the most competitive group of people I’ve ever met. I love them very much, but seriously, you have to watch whose team you get on in a game of Pinnocle. There could be claws involved. And the basketball, football and soccer games? Forget about it!!! They’re brutal! I got thrown into a stack of bricks once during a basketball game and scraped up my leg and they told me to “suck it up and get back in the game”. My ex suffered from a spinal injury last year while playing touch football that left him partially paralyzed for a little while like a stroke victim. I think that’s the first time an injury ever actually STOPPED the game.

Boy do I digress. I was talking about how competitive I’m becoming on Facebook and how surprised I am by my reaction. I was highly upset by my $5,560 Parking Ticket from the UNsympathetic DeWitte, my friend. So it made me think about how much I’ve changed. I don’t know if the change is due to age/wisdom or menopause or empty nest syndrome, but something has. This is a little list that I want to start for myself to note the different changes. These are just a few. I’ll be adding to this list as time goes on.

HOW I’VE CHANGED SINCE I’VE GOTTEN OLDER, BECOME POST-MENOPAUSAL AND SUFFERING FROM EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

1. Okay, the obvious, I’m more competitive. It’s new for me, so I’m just getting used to it.
2. I tolerate much less crap from people. My Bullshit Meter goes off – ding ding ding ding – and I say what I gotta say.
3. I dispise people who talk on their cell phone while driving. This envokes an ugly rage in me when they go 10 – 15 miles UNDER the speed limit and weave all over the road in their own little world.
4. I hate cars with boom-boom speakers in their car in which they feel like they should share their crappy boom-boom music with the world. Why do they always have their windows rolled down? You can’t get away from them and it makes me want to carry a small firearm and just shoot them in the head or at least tazer their stereo system.
Disclaimer: I don’t actually own a small firearm, so all the boom-boomers out there are technically safe.
5. I’ve learned who I am – deep down. And you know what? I like me! Why couldn’t I see myself this way twenty years ago? Why did I only see an ugly, fat, inept human being when I finally realize that I was never ugly, fat OR inept? I look back at pictures and think that I actually looked kinda alright and I know now that I’ve always been smart. I don’t know exactly when I figured that one out, but I’m sure glad I did. I’ve wasted too much time as it is thinking I was less than I am. Can I bottle this and sell it? If I could, I’d be rich, I tell ya.
6. I’m a lot more relaxed about things; meaning that I don’t care so much what people think about me anymore. Actually, I don’t really care at all. Either people like me or they don’t. If they don’t, the earth isn’t going to fall off its axis.
7. I still hate exercise. Enough said there. I will never find joy in exercise, no matter how good of a pitch I hear.
8. As old as I am, I have SO much I want to learn still. I’m never going to stop learning. I want to know it ALL. So many books, so little time.
9. I finally learned how to have fun! My mother described me when I was a child as a “little bitty adult”. Personally, I don’t think I really had a choice, but I’ve dealt with that. Byegones. NOW, I have FUN! Laughing is my favorite thing to do on this planet!
10. I’ve learned to truly enjoy my own company. My kids worry about me being by myself now that they’ve moved out. My oldest thinks I’m going to be bored all the time and I reassured him that I am NEVER bored. NEVER. EVER. I have much too much to read and learn and to do every single day that there’s never enough time.

Getting older sucks in many ways. **clearing throat** Gravity ** But in lots of other ways, I feel better than ever. MUCH more confident in myself. I wish I could bottle it and sell it, cuz I know that I could have used a dose of this several years ago. It would have saved me a lot of misery.

Live your life today like you are the greatest person you know. Chances are. . . you are.

What are ten things that’s changed about you over the years? Okay, ten might be tough. How about five? What are five things that’s changed about you and perspective on things these last several years? I’d be interested to know.

I think Lizzie, the lizard, is interested too.
Oh hush, don’t be hatin’. Remember, I’m getting old. “Hello, Senility, is that you knockin’?”